Exploding Universes

Seven year old boys and their grandpas have a very special relationship.   And so it has been today.

Junior Grandson Ben raised the issue that is common amongst all mankind - including you.   Farting. Now, come on, there is no point in denying it.

Ben's main source of written information, after the Daily Telegraph of course, is the Beano.   There the subject crops up from time to time apparently.   In Ben's case the Beano is augmented by YouTube as information needs may dictate.   Knowing (I think) our English Rose of a daughter YouTube access will have parental controls of the highest order but toots (Beano generic terminology) slip in, or out,  below YouTube's radar.

Given Ben's 2016 awareness he was able to give his Grandpa a full blown lesson.   Top if the list is The Exploding Universe.   The average person has just four of these in a lifetime.   Ben, a prescient and very intelligent young man is bracing himself for six in total, one of which is history.   Exploding Universes are absolute happenings so there is no such thing as a half-Exploding Universe.

Not so with the next category below EUs.   Jeffs.

Jeffs are the mainstream and are subdivided almost limitlessly.   1/32nd Jeffs exist it seems but for simplicity it can be kept to full, three quarter, half and quarter Jeffs.  Ben confessed to a half-Jeff in Sainsbury's.

Anything below a quarter Jeff ranks as a mere pop  - with a lower case p you should note.

I asked Ben the ultimate question that must nag away at everybody from time to time.  "Do you think the Queen ever has Exploding Universes?"

"No", said Ben solemnly.   "Women are different.   They might do Jeffs but you rarely hear them.   Perhaps just once a day".   He went on to explain that middle aged women do few of them but girls and the elderly (61 plus apparently) do more.

So now you know.

Ben, you and Grandpa both have a lot to learn.