Alan Bennett on Settle Rotary Club

Among the pleasures of living in Settle is that you bump into national treasure Alan Bennett from time to time in the local shops and so forth.   It is comforting to know that famous people do mundane things too.

Pat bumped into AB in the check out queue at Booths supermarket recently and told him that the check-out lady had told her that she was taking AB's latest book on holiday with her to read.   "She'll need an excess baggage allowance" he replied.

Sure enough the book is 720 pages deep and covers his life between 2005 and 2015 via his diaries.   Bless, her, daughter Lorna got it for Pat as a Christmas gift.   She's already up to page 217 and our life is punctuated with giggles - often and inevitably relating to Settle.

Here is the entry for 5th July 2010:

" A child in Settle is said to have asked what the Mafia was and his grandfather said, 'It's like Settle Rotary Club, only with guns.'"

Mark Rand
(Past President Settle Rotary Club)

Ass Whupped by a Ten ** Year Old

Meet grandsons Ben (left) and James today lunching at the Wildwood in Gerrards Cross after their post Christmas drive south from Settle.

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The boys have been a great source of pride and delight to us over Christmas when they have not been knocking seven shades of sherbert out of each other.

Here is a very useful present from them which I shall treasure for ever:

Among my Christmas highlights was a protracted game of cards with Ben (10 **).   Our family card game is 501, a devilish affair involving cunning, skill, memory and mathematics at which I have, naturally, excelled - until now.   After many many rounds Ben well and truly defeated me or Whupped My Ass* as his American father would say.

Ben also accompanied me as Deputy Junior Assistant On-Train-Guide on the 1146 from Settle northwards on Christmas Eve.

* ' To Whup ass' is a North American expression meaning to defeat resoundingly.   Not only are US Americans prone to colloquial indelicacy they cannot even spell arse correctly.

**  Since posting this entry my darling daughter Lorna has informed me that my grandson is not ten.   He is eight.   Why does NOBODY keep me up to date on these important things?

I distinctly remember Ben (8 it seems) telling me, on being asked, that he was ten.    This was while he was in the process of whupping my ass at cards so perhaps (quite possible) he was trying to lessen the blow of humiliating defeat.

Station Inn Mystery

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This curious image was captured on 15th December by our Ribblehead Viaduct web camera.   The camera is on the station master's house.   The Settle Carlisle railway lines are on the left and the Station Inn is at the bottom of the station drive.

Question is what is the enormous explosion-like fireball alongside that is lighting up the sky?   The Station Inn is still there in case you are wondering.

Suggestions please in the comments section below - if only to prove that somebody is really out there.

Happy Christmas.

Let it Snow

Well it isn't snowing in Settle this Christmas Eve but the weather is pretty awful.   Storm Barbara is blowing herself out and we await the next.   Yet it is mild, as Decembers go.

Maybe we are in for a mild winter when the absence of snow may disappoint.   Maybe not.

Here is a splendid compilation of winters past in and around Settle.   It lasts for 13 minutes or so and has a relaxing and seasonal piano sound track.    Sit down with whatever takes your fancy.  Full screen, relax and enjoy.

And remind yourself how winters were.

Winters long ago

Google Knows Where You Are

Yesterday's post about the pie in the sky had a footnote of caution that many Blog followers may not know the whereabouts of Wigan (take off) and Low Bentham (landing).

So curiosity led me to a remote part of the Blog programme which shows who actually looks at it.   The statistics for THIS WEEK are below:

United States	1560
Russia	626
United Kingdom	204
Germany	60
France	55
Ukraine	31
Australia	9
Portugal	6
Spain	5
New Zealand	5

The top three are curious indeed.   Each is a nuclear power, disturbingly.   The UK is in third place.

Does the list really represent the proportions of worldwide interest in Settle Station Water Tower?   Or even water towers in general?   Possible I suppose but unlikely.

Maybe my occasional irreverences have put me on watch lists, eager to jump on suspicious keywords.

Well, to fans in The Pentagon, The Kremlin and GCHQ - 

HAAAAPY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL

For God's sake do not click to enlarge

Pie in The Sky

Blog readers in places like St Helena and Outer Mongolia, and I know you are out there, may have missed yesterday's local news story about the meat-and-potato pie which was sent into space from Wigan, Lancashire:

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It went up on a weather balloon yesterday at noon I think, rose 20 miles into space and landed in the village of Low Bentham, quite near Settle.   The on-board camera pictures were amazing.

It had been tracked using GPS and pie charts probably.

Since its epic journey the pie's value has increased to £3.14159

It's this sort of nonsense that makes Britain Great.

Two Bits of Good News

1.   Result from my CT scan - no cancer visible anywhere in the scanned area (chest and abdomen).

2.   Our rainwater harvesting system is now working on a simple pressure sensor and float switch.   Good riddance to the Kingspan Envireau three boxes of expensive tricks.

Not sure which gives me greater pleasure.